Answer by A.F.S.:
Hypocritical, un-supportive, and judgmental – these are abusive managera. Actually, a hypocritical one would also be unprofessional, insecure, and undeserving to be a manager.
I think in most cases one is able to tell if its strict or abusive or otherwise. Some people have a better tolerance for rules which might appear strict to someone else. So to some degree, that would be perception based.
I consider myself to be strict (in respect of punctuality, quality of work, timely delivery of task, knowledge; and I get very upset when work is not done the way I instructed it). I had thought I wouldn’t be a respected manager but I have discovered (and I have evidence of this) that most people reporting to me work very well with me and even consider me supportive while just one guy found me to be so abusive that he quit my team (and later the company) and then sent at least two hate-mails, one to me (very very abusive and uncouth language) and one to my senior management (in which he called me abusive, unprofessional, etc). Now irrespective of whether I am a good guy or not, my way of management did appear to be abusive to this guy while everyone else is comfortable with it.
Different cultural norms should be taken into account as well. People from the same country but different regions perceive things differently. Plus, one’s way of looking at things is influenced by what one’s co-workers or office friends have to say about it.